Inspiring the Works of Valerie Jean

The Romance of the Holidays

December 17th, 2020
With the end of October and Halloween, the holiday season begins. This amazing month-by-month celebration of the winter months that seems to fly by even as it drags its feet can be fun-filled, joyous, and merry. But it can also be stressful and overwhelming.

So how can you make sure you focus on the romance of the holidays, rather than the pressure?

Photo by Any Lane on Pexels.com

Remember the reason for the season.

Thanksgiving is a time to gain perspective. Although the history that’s been painted in textbooks isn’t entirely accurate, the philosophy of helping others and being grateful should live on. Today’s society should remember back to a time when individuals were happy for a roof, food, and clothing. The extras we have now that offer convenience, comfort, and entertainment are just that – extras. Being grateful for the simple things in life is one way to focus on the romance of the season.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the chance to be alive. Although it’s a religious holiday, it’s a holiday based on hope. The hope of a new baby. The hope of a new leader. The hope of a new year. The hope of a second chance. Although it is easy to get caught up in the materialism of the holiday, remembering the origins of it can help ground us in a more mindful, romantic season.

Focusing on gratitude and giving
- Keep a gratitude journal, either prompted or unprompted. This can be as structured or chaotic as you want. Whatever serves your purpose of feeling thankful for what you have in life. I make a list with two columns titled “Happy or Excited About” and “Worried About.” This helps simplify and focus my life. I am able to realize I have so much to be grateful for and that my worries are usually things I can let go of or work toward solving.
- Reach out to old friends. The holidays are often times for reminiscing. Being grateful to those who have helped shape who we are, whether negative or positive influences, shows a certain maturity and helps the focus remain positive. Send out a text message, make a phone call, mail a letter, invite them to Skype you. The romance of getting in touch again can be refreshing and rejuvenating.
- Clean out those closets! Give what you don’t need anymore to a charity or individual in need. Not only does the act of giving stimulate the reward center of the brain, this kind of giving helps simplify your life so you can focus on what you need to in life. Clearing out some of the materialistic clutter will help disperse the stress and pressure of keeping things clean and neat. You’ll also have more room to hide those gifts for people!
- Rake some leaves or shovel some driveways. For other people. Not only does physical activity help brain function in general, getting out and doing that physical activity for someone else is a double whammy of positive chemicals in your brain. You get an exercise high, as well as what’s called a “helper’s high.”
- Send out holiday cards. They don’t have to be fancy or expensive, but sending something through snail mail always leaves me with a satisfied feeling. This is one of the easiest ways to spread holiday cheer, because who doesn’t like getting cards in the mailbox? The romance of who I will get cards from brings me joy every holiday season.
- Make or give holiday cookies. The smell of baking cookies in my house always brings a smile to my face. You obviously don’t need to limit yourself to cookies. If you love cooking or baking something else, do that with the intention of giving it to someone. Food helps us feel united and connected to others, which can help create a feeling of gratitude and optimism.
- Avoid the news. Don’t live under a rock, but listen in a limited, selective way. There is some truth to the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.” The media has a tendency to find stories that are shock-worthy, and oftentimes these can be emotionally upsetting to viewers. Living life without knowing all the nasty news going on around us can help you focus on the good things in life.
- Don’t compare yourself to others. Each family has it’s own traditions and expectations of holidays. Just because your neighbor has the whole block lit up with Christmas lights, or your sister has a mountain of gifts under the tree, or your friend’s Elf on the Shelf is the most creative, mischievous little bugger out there, doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. Life isn’t a competition, other than against your old self. As long as you are bettering yourself in a consistent way, you don’t need to worry about other people being better than you. Mastering this psychological task can help you regain the romance with yourself.
- Let go of holiday expectations. We get a picture in our mind of how something should look or be. The stress comes when it doesn’t work out how we’d hoped. Be grateful for whatever happens, especially during this 2020 holiday season. Christmas will look different, and traditions may have to change a little. Being accepting of the situations we cannot control, and working on our reaction to these situations is one way to have a more positive outlook on life in general.
Follow these tips to help have a fun-filled, romantic holiday season!
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Innocence Lost

December 3rd, 2020

I read something today on Facebook that resonated with me deeply. It hit hard on a philosophy I used to live by. On the art interest page of Innocence Lost:

“you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. because that’s when you truly start living.”

There are so many beautiful things in a twenty-four hour period – from before a sunrise to after a sunset. The sound of the wind through the grasses and trees. The kiss of the sunlight on the horizon. The laughter of children. The taste of your coffee. The interaction between people. The sound of an instrument. The hug of a friend.

So how do we lose sight of the beauty of these things?

Even though knowledge is power, ignorance is bliss. Although we learn through life by experiencing things, oftentimes these experiences crush our innocence. They take away the rose-colored glasses through which we may have viewed life. Although there is always a silver lining, every yin also has a yang. Every positive has a negative somewhere. The more we know doesn’t always mean the happier we are.

This negative outlook can infiltrate even the most positive person once life’s experiences become too much to handle mentally, physically, or emotionally. Cynicism can overtake one’s perspective like a slow-growing weed creeping into your vegetable garden. It can suck your energy for enjoying life away. Once life isn’t enjoyable, I call this survival mode. I notice I’m there when I’d rather sleep than do anything else. Once I realize I’m there, however, I have several strategies I use to take control of my mind and notice the beauty of my life again.

So how can we mindfully notice these wonderful things?

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Keeping a small journal with you where you can jot down the things you are grateful for as you notice you’re grateful for them helps cement that feeling within you. You can do this on your phone or in a physical paper journal. It can be prompted, or a scrawled down list, or a collection of random thoughts, sketches, or whatever. Writing or typing something physically helps you focus on these things.

Color a Mood Tracker

Noticing patterns within our emotions can help us recognize cues and either enhance or eliminate the triggers. If everyday during craft time, my emotions go haywire, I can understand that crafts stress me out and pass that task onto someone else. Coloring has also been proven to be relaxing. The mood tracker is just enough coloring to keep me relaxed, but not stress me out.

Write/Speak/Listen to Statements of Affirmation

Life is 90% mental and 10% physical. Whether you are spiritual or not, there are non-religious, positive affirmation resources everywhere. I use several on YouTube with my oldest daughter . Strengthening yourself mentally helps you put the negative in perspective and find the positive.

Take a Deep Breath, Slow Down, and Look Around

Noticing the details of the world around you can help you find your own place in it. Looking up at the sky as you walk to your car. Watching a sunset as you pause after dinner. Setting your phone down and really listening to what your spouse, children, friend, or whoever is really saying. Deep breathing strategies help me to slow down and realize all of the beauty surrounding me. Watch the video below to get some benefits and tips on deep breathing.

3 Deep Breathing Exercises to Reduce Stress & Anxiety
Meghan Livingstone

Vary your Routine

Switching up your routine can help you notice the small details you sometimes take for granted. Although routines help us manage stress, after too long, they become stale and boring. You just go through the motions of them. Small things like switching up the order you do your morning routine, or trying a new commute to work can make life more exciting and sometimes enjoyable.

time for change, concept of new, life changing and improvement

“you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. because that’s when you truly start living.”

Although the capitalization and punctuation errors in the initial quote make my English teacher heart bleed, they also make a point as deep as the words themselves. Don’t sweat the mistakes or the judgment of others. Don’t worry about the capitalization and punctuation. There is no guaranteed tomorrow, so make the most of today and enjoy the little things, the everyday things. Just make sure you dot your i’s and cross your t’s, and enjoy the ride.
My Romance with Money

December 1st, 2020

Money and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it when I have it. Hate it when I don’t. However, I tend to spend money like I don’t have to work for it (which is entirely untrue.) So we continue to have this relationship, which any expert can tell you is unhealthy.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Why is money romantic?

Money is exciting because it can buy the things we want. It can help us experience the journey of life with more opportunities and variety. The mystery of money seems simple enough to solve. You work for it. You get it. You spend it. You need it again. What’s surprising about that formula? Sometimes, instead of saving that money for when they do need it again, people (myself included) spend it on what they want instead of need.

Why do we spend money?

Besides the basic reasons like survival, we spend money to entertain ourselves, to prove status to others, to maintain a lifestyle we think we deserve. According to Forbes, we spend money we don’t have “to feel good…to keep up…because credit makes it easy…” and “because ignorance is bliss.” Psychologists have proven the existence of retail therapy, or feeling better about yourself through shopping. Many times we spend money to stick with the trends or our circle of peers. Credit cards make spending money far too easy, and some people just don’t pay enough attention to detail.

Sometimes the noblest of us spend money on others. Whether this includes the people closest to us, or people most in need, spending this money on other people hints at a giving and compassionate nature. However, at times it is merely that it is easier to spend the money than see the disappointment on someone else’s face that you didn’t.

My biggest downfall financially is that when I feel bad about myself or stressed out, I treat myself to retail therapy. I tell myself I deserve a treat because of all the stress and tasks I’ve been doing, and I hit up a store downtown, or click on amazon.com. Sometimes the targeted marketing on apps like Facebook gets me and I end up with a cart full of items I had no intention of looking for, much less purchasing!

So how can you start saving money?

Saving your money is like saving your romance. It takes time, attention-to-detail, and prioritizing. You can’t expect to feel less stressed about finances instantly unless you are lucky enough to come into an unforeseen inheritance or win the lottery.

Expect it to take Time

Because life does cost money, knowing how much you spend weekly or monthly allows you to put aside at least a little every paycheck. This is long-term planning and gratification. People struggle with this because they have to be patient as they save their money. The best way I’ve found for myself is keeping small, labeled envelopes to put tip money or extra cash in. They have labels like pets, kids’ sports, vacation, automobile/motorcycle, skydiving, and rainy day. It helps me see what the end goal is and how far away I am from getting there. It also keeps it out of my checking account, which makes it more difficult to spend. Swiping a card or clicking a button versus counting out physical cash has made spending far too easy at times.

Pay Attention to the Details

Setting up and sticking to a detailed budget is another way to help you save money. Knowing where your money is going helps to eliminate unneeded spending. Prioritizing your most important expenses either by due date or by amount keeps your checking balance positive. Why is sticking to a budget so difficult for some people, however? Keeping track of the details can be a challenge. Online banking has made this much easier, though. I am able to check my statements online and see where I’m straying from my budget.

Prioritize and know your weaknesses

My biggest money-suckers are eating out, toys for my daughters, online targeted ads, and thrift shopping. I love all of these things, but have come to realize putting money towards other priorities like bills and the future helps more with the long-term stress than the instant gratification of spending money. At least twice a year, I make a list of all of our expenses. I number that list according to what I think is the highest need first. Then I adjust it based on the highest cost or closest due dates for certain needed expenses. Then I add in the things we want (vacations, toys, electronics, etc.) and prioritize them.

Most of my needed expenses are electronically withdrawn from my checking account, while the wanted expenses come from the cash in the labeled envelopes. It’s not a perfect system, and I’ve definitely had to pull cash from the envelopes to pay for needs before, but you have to find what works best for you.

Once you’ve figured this out, your romance with money will turn into a healthy, balanced relationship. It will always be a work in progress, and life will throw unexpected challenges at you, but that’s why I have my “Rainy Day” envelope!
Thanksgiving at a Distance

November 27th, 2020

Thanksgiving at a distance –

We all miss family and friends.

I’m luckier than most

That we’re able to gather close,

But it’s tough when there’s no choice.

It’s hard to hear your own voice

When we get to visit virtually

And see my special family.

With this kind of loss comes grief.

Through grief we learn to see,

or we bend and break

Because there’s only so much we can take.

How long can this go on?

How long can I sing this song?

“It’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine.

It’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine.”

But here’s what I’ve got:

What if…it’s not?

A year lost to all

Tripped us and made us fall.

When we can finally stand

How many will believe they can’t?

Businesses lost their foundations.

People couldn’t depend on their nation.

Kids don’t understand what they lost

And I’m not sure we truly know the cost.

How will generations to come feel the impact?

Will it influence the way they think and act?

Will the choices they make be less self-involved?

More focused on all the problems they can solve?

Maybe they won’t take for granted

The precious beings on this planet.

Maybe they’ll realie that life

Isn’t about greed and strife.

I wonder if they’ll know

How far some were willing to go

To make a quick buck

During this time of no luck.

I hope they’ll turn it around.

Make a positive sound.

Focus on others first

Instead of pinpointing the worst

Embrace the different views

While learning what it means to be you.

Learn to love again

Because here on earth could be heaven.

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com
Making Choices a Romantic Endeavor

November 26th, 2020
Every day we wake up and make the choice to roll out of bed, or go back to sleep. The choice to put on clothes for other people or clothes for ourselves. Sometimes we have too many choices and are paralyzed in the decision-making process. Sometimes we know exactly what the right choice involves. Either way, making choices involves mystery, energy, excitement, and fear. When these choices include people, places, or things that we care about or even love, they can become all-consuming. So how can we make decision-making less of a stressful time and more of a romantic experience?

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Simplify your choices. President Obama, in a Vanity Fair article, said, “You need to remove from your life the day-to-day problems that absorb most people for meaningful parts of their day…” He simplifies some decisions such as what he wears and what he eats in order to save energy for the more important decisions he must make as a former President of the United States. This strategy can be helpful whether you’re the most important man in the nation or the most common man on the corner. When you have more energy to focus on priorities, these choices become less of a burden and more of opportunities.

Trust your instincts. One of the most cliché sayings about making decisions is a cliché because there’s some truth behind it. Although you don’t want to make decisions based solely off of your feelings, pay attention to your emotional response to a situation. It can tell you a lot about your subconscious needs and desires. If you’re trying to decide whether to leave a job you like for a new job that might pay more, listening to your gut instincts when you talk or think about the choice can help you decide how you feel. Write journals about your decision and express how you’d feel if you made Choice A compared to Choice B. Taking note of this intuition and its effect on your decision-making ability can help add the romance back into making decisions.

Make pro-con lists. After you’ve paid attention to your own gut feelings, be sure to make note of the logical side of the decision you’re making. Pointing out the anticipated positives and negatives of both choices can help you realize where you stand. If you’re making the choice to buy one house over another, making a pro-con list for both could easily help highlight which one is more suitable for you. The idea of logically listing the positives and negatives of a choice helps balance out the intuitive side of trusting your gut. Utilize a combination of both to help making choices seem like an adventure rather than a nightmare.

Do research. If you’re still stuck on making decisions, Google it. See what others have said and done. Read the reviews on products, vacations, services, professionals, or whatever you’re deciding on. Be sure to use credible, valid, reliable sources. While you’re researching, add to your pro-con list and journal writing. Knowledge is power and powerful people make powerful decisions.

According to PsychologyToday.com, here are some more scientific tips on good decision-making:
- Keep your blood sugar or glucose level stable
- Get some rest
- Use routines
- Eliminate easy decisions early
- Commit to activities and people
- Prepare for when you know you’ll be weak about your decisions
- Make time for self-care
So when you’re feeling stressed about a decision, use this advice to make the opportunity more romantic and exciting.
Laughter and Love: Finding the Humor in Romance

November 20th, 2020
What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?

Laughter is truly one of the best medicines, as long as it is genuine and heartfelt. Being able to laugh with your partner shows a closeness and connection that creates a healthy relationship. If your romance is starting to feel stale, find a way to add some humor into it.

Start by reminiscing about the things that used to make you laugh together. Look through old pictures, read past love notes, get in touch with old friends, take your relationship back to the beginning and find the smiles. Research says that when couples first start courting, the amount of laughing they do together is a strong indicator of how successful the relationship will be overall. Finding this laughter again is key to keeping the romance from dying.

If looking back on old routines doesn’t do the trick, try doing something spontaneous together instead. Whether it’s participating in an ice-bucket challenge, going all out on Halloween costumes, using a coin flip to decide your road trip destination, or taking on a new skill, doing something new or unplanned will get the blood flowing again. Taking the chance of trying something spontaneous puts you in uncomfortable positions, which almost always make us laugh at ourselves.

If spontaneity stresses you out, try playing a prank on your partner, or bringing home a gag gift of some sort. This simple act can bring out belly laughs and positive vibes. Creating an inside joke or cue word together can also help bring consistent laughter back into a relationship.

A few other ideas to bring laughter back into your romance:
- Watch funny shows
- Read the jokes on Laffy Taffy and popsicles
- Be silly
- Dance and sing
- Fart
- Role play
- Play charades
- Attend a comedy show
- Visit a spa
- Tickle each other
- Do regular date nights, but creative dates
- Do something competitive, like a water balloon fight or an axe throwing competition
- Cook
- Wear sexy lingerie
Humor is an individualized thing. You have to find someone whose humor matches or complements your own. Once you have this person, you have to cultivate that humor to keep your romance full of love and laughter. There are so many ways to do this beyond just the ones here, so get creative and think about what makes you truly laugh!
The Romance of a Pandemic

November 19th, 2020

We’re living in a new world, where the mystery and excitement of the unknown future should bring love and acceptance, yet instead oftentimes bring fear and hate.

In the beginning of the pandemic, as hearts went up in windows and yards around the nation, the unity this crisis brought was much needed in our country.

Being forced into family time should help us re-prioritize our lives. Away from greed and consumerism, laziness and immorality. Toward love. Toward growth. Toward acceptance. Toward mindfulness.

Sure, there are things we miss. School. Sports. Bars. Restaurants. Fitness clubs. Playdates. Shopping. But these are all adaptable and will still be there when we come out of this.

As we struggle to find a new normal, as the wait for a vaccine wears on our souls, as the guidelines and restrictions and rules change and shift and backtrack, we must look towards each other with love and acceptance. We must help each other find the romance in a life that won’t let us go back anymore.

While we fight germs and viruses, we are forced to think about not only ourselves, but how our actions affect others. Our society has long needed a kick in the pants about this feeling called empathy.

The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and think about how your actions can impact someone else’s life is not an inherent trait. It is trained through experience and perspective. It must be nurtured and encouraged in children and adults.

As you are closer or more similar to someone, it is easier to empathize with them. You understand how they feel because you’ve been through similar situations. But how do we build empathy for people we don’t know? How do we feel compassion for the homeless stranger on the side of the road when you’ve never been homeless? How can we build empathy for the rich and famous whose lives we only see through the screen? How can we help opposing political parties understand we’re all in this together and there shouldn’t be a winner and loser, but a United States?

Empathy is an emotion for all situations, big or small. The more different a person is from you, the more important it is that you try on their perspective for a moment. Look at life through their eyes and ask them some questions about it. Show them some love and romance.
Romance Killers

May 1st, 2020
I’m not a relationship expert by any means, so none of this should be considered the end-all, be-all of advice. These are merely observations that I’ve made during my own relationships, coupled with a variety of information I’ve read about over the years. Romance is something that takes effort. But there are a variety of things that can take away from that effort. Below are some common romance killers, as well as suggestions on how to avoid or cope with them.

Stress

In my thirteen year marriage, and fifteen year relationship, I’ve discovered that stress is a killer. Of enjoyment. Of fun. Of romance. Learning how to deal with stress as an individual is one of the most helpful things you can do in life. Different people can handle varying levels of stress in a healthy manner.

Healthy ways to cope with stress
- Physical activity
- Correct amount of sleep
- Relaxation techniques, such as meditation, self-hynosis, deep breathing, etc.
- Talk to someone or just out loud
- Posititve self-talk
- Count to ten
- Keep a journal
- Manage your time
- Go for a walk
- Listen to music
- Read a book
- Find and solve your problems
- Learn to say no
- Eat healthy
- Rest when you need to
- Do something you love
Obviously each of the above suggestions should be done in moderation. There must be balance. If you become too dependent on any one of these healthy coping strategies, it could be unhealthy. For example, I am known to get lost in romance novels when I am stressed about something. Going away to someone else’s world, where their problems are easy to solve, and they always end up happy, helped me stay positive enough to get through the days. Also made it so I got nothing done in real life – not healthy.

Unhealthy ways people cope with stress
- Addictions
- Drinking
- Smoking
- Abusive behavior
- Compulsive shopping
- Over or under eating
- Not sleeping
- Sleeping too much
- Working too much
- Too much caffeine
- Social withdrawal
- Too much TV, internet, video game, etc.
- Self-harm
Any of these coping strategies will end up harming you more than helping you in the long run. I understand that some days the goal is simply survival. Resorting to the above strategies, even on those days, is not good enough though.

There are healthy ways to deal with stress, but first you must identify what stresses you out. Then you must decide what you’re going to do about it. Involving your partner in these thoughts and feelings will (hopefully) help alleviate stress. Solving these problems can be a life-changing relationship builder.

Resentment and Jealousy

No relationship is perfectly balanced. Also realize life is not fair. You make choices based on the hand you’re dealt in life. There will be times where you have to support your significant other more, and times where you will need their support more.

After losing my job, I struggled with depression and my husband had to take on several housechores he wasn’t used to. He didn’t complain until it became a habit, which had become taxing on our relationship. Resenting your significant other can creep up on you if you don’t focus on the positives they bring to your relationship.

Be careful to express anger or jealousy in a way that isn’t going to turn your SO off from listening to you. If you don’t know how to start, try the following:

“I feel ________ when you___________ and I want __________.”

Although the discussion about the issue of housework wasn’t an easy one, having it helped resolve the resentment and anger simmering beneath the surface. Splitting the chores more evenly helped him and made me feel useful once again.

Children (and pets)

The responsibility of raising children in today’s society is not only stressful. It’s time-consuming, energy-eating, and nearly overwhelming if you think about it. You are shaping the future protectors of the world. Every word you say, each action you make, all the choices you decide, everything you choose not to do – they are watching and learning something. This can be a huge buzzkill in the romance of a relationship.

Taking time away from your children (or pets) is essential to having a romantic relationship. Being able to focus on your partner helps you regain curiosity about them and helps them feel important and loved. Date nights don’t have to be dressed up, expensive occasions. They could involve a picnic basket and a blanket in the backyard while the kids watch a movie, or a puzzle while the kids head to bed. Just making time for each other is a key priority in a healthy romantic relationship.

Date ideas when you have kids you can’t get rid of
- Doing a puzzle
- Playing a card or board game
- Picnic close to home
- Watch the sunset
- Watch the sunrise
- Netflix and chill
- Play a sport
- Wii games
- Karoake
- Nerf gun war
- Massages
- Would you rather game
- Home spa night
- Dance party at home
- Take personality tests
- Do a crossword or Sudoku
- Have a wine or beer tasting
- Write love letters or poems to one another
- Write a bucket list
Again, all of these ideas just require a little time, effort, and communication. So put your kids to bed, out to play, or in front of the television for an hour or so and rediscover your romance.

Jobs and careers

You career oftentimes defines a large part of who you are. Job stress can bleed into a relationship and cause the romance to die. When the job starts to become higher priority than your romance, you need to take a look at your life. Are there instances in life where you should prioritize your job and career? Of course. But when those instances turn into daily or even weekly occurances, it’s time to re-evaluate what you value.

Rudeness

It’s amazing how the tone of your voice influences the meaning of what you say. It’s also amazing how often that tone can be misconstrued. Especially when you’re tired, hungry, overworked, annoyed, or maybe texting or messaging, rather than talking face-to-face.

Sometimes people are rude to the people they love most because they are comfortable with them. We go all day long trying to get along with people; it feels good to tell someone how we really feel about something, even if they don’t deserve it. Making sure to be gracious and thankful for your partner will go a long way in keeping the romance alive.

Figuring out how to communicate with your partner will help solve this problem. Being sure to respond to verbal, electronic, or any other forms of communication will prevent miscommunication that can lead to resentment or fights.

Loneliness or Isolation

Humans crave relationships because we are social creatures. If we are in a romantic relationship that makes us feel alone or isolated, it’s generally not what we’re looking for. Sometimes your partner may make you feel this way unintentionally. Clearly communicating how you feel and what made you feel that way will go a long way in reigniting romance.

Also make sure you have healthy relationships outside of your significant other. Everyone needs a support system beyond just their romantic relationship. Because let’s be honest: romantic relationships are risky and resemble roller-coasters. (I got on a roll with the alliteration there). Having friends beyond your relationship gives you people with a different persepctive to bounce ideas off of.

Distrust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy romantic relationship. If your partner or you has done something to break this trust, it will take time and pointed effort to rebuild it. And this is if you are both willing to try.

You must continually look for the positive within your partner on this one. If you continually nag them about the lack of trust, instead of taking action to change it, there’s very little hope your romance will return. Be open and honest with your partner about why you’re distrusting them or why their distrust hurts you, but try not to offend them or hurt them just because they’ve hurt you.

If this is the issue killing your relationship, I’d recommend counseling or a mediator of some sort. A counselor can give you strategies as a couple or individual to help deal with the issues. They may be able to find and revive the dying romance in your relationship.

Romance reignited

If any of these romance killers is threatening your relationship, don’t give up! The solutions will no doubt require hard work and commitment. However with a revamped perspective, you can reignite your romance!
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Remember the reason for the season.

Focusing on gratitude and giving

“you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. because that’s when you truly start living.”

So how do we lose sight of the beauty of these things?

So how can we mindfully notice these wonderful things?

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Color a Mood Tracker

Write/Speak/Listen to Statements of Affirmation

Take a Deep Breath, Slow Down, and Look Around

Vary your Routine

“you’ve gotta start romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. because that’s when you truly start living.”

Why is money romantic?

Why do we spend money?

So how can you start saving money?

Expect it to take Time

Pay Attention to the Details

Prioritize and know your weaknesses

Stress

Healthy ways to cope with stress

Unhealthy ways people cope with stress

Resentment and Jealousy

Children (and pets)

Date ideas when you have kids you can’t get rid of

Jobs and careers

Rudeness

Loneliness or Isolation

Distrust

Romance reignited