Valentine’s Day Romance

This is a ranting article…If biased, venting sessions aren’t for you, read no further! I don’t even know if I’m going to actually post this one, but I need to get it off my chest. For twenty developmental years of my life, and then some, ALL reasons for celebration in my family were honored with small gifts and experiences. Nothing huge or expensive, but gifts with meaning and thought. Gifts that showed love and foresight. Obviously for Christmas and birthdays, but also anniversaries, Easter, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and basically any other day that gave us a reason to gift something to each other.

I have spent the last dozen years trying to pretend it doesn’t matter that my husband doesn’t gift things to me on special days. He gifts things to me all year long with his time and effort. I gift myself what I want or need throughout the year anyway, so why do the gifts on these days matter? On my first Mother’s Day when he didn’t even get me a card because I told him I didn’t want anything, I realized that I had lied. I tried so hard to not make it matter that it mattered a lot.

I still wasn’t surprised when he woke up this morning on Valentine’s Day and went, “Oh crap…” while the girls ran around and opened their flowers and chocolate, while he pulled out the patterned underwear and socks I got him, and while I stood there and sniffed the flowers I got for myself a couple days ago at Save-A-Lot. But it did matter. One in three women are disappointed by their significant other on at least one Valentine’s Day. I guess at least he’s consistent.

Why do I get upset even though he’s an attentive, cooperative, compromising, caring husband? It’s one day a year (maybe a few more with the other holidays he ignores or misses, but who’s counting?) Obviously I am, but why do these one day a year holidays mean so much? I’m tearing up as I’m writing this, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m sad or angry or what. Sad that my relationship has lost its romance (if it ever really had any that wasn’t forced by me)? Angry that he was so thoughtless and didn’t plan ahead at all? But I know him, so the anger and sadness are just wasted time and energy. I’ve read the Five Love Languages book and know everyone expresses and needs to receive love in different ways. He’s never been overly romantic or able to plan ahead, so I don’t know why, after twelve years, I still get upset on these silly, commercialized holidays that shouldn’t mean so much. But I do. So if someone has an answer or solution on how to fix my reaction to our underwhelming holidays, please comment below!

I shouldn’t rant, because love isn’t about just giving and getting gifts. I know I’ll get home from work and he’ll have the kids home and dinner ready. I know he’ll support me no matter what mistakes I make. I know he’ll be by my side no matter what obstacles life throws at us. I know that even on our worst days, I have it better than many people on their best days. Happy Valentine’s day. Don’t forget to spread the love!