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Tag: romance
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This is a ranting article…If biased, venting sessions aren’t for you, read no further! I don’t even know if I’m going to actually post this one, but I need to get it off my chest. For twenty developmental years of my life, and then some, ALL reasons for celebration in my family were honored with small gifts and experiences. Nothing huge or expensive, but gifts with meaning and thought. Gifts that showed love and foresight. Obviously for Christmas and birthdays, but also anniversaries, Easter, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and basically any other day that gave us a reason to gift something to each other.
I have spent the last dozen years trying to pretend it doesn’t matter that my husband doesn’t gift things to me on special days. He gifts things to me all year long with his time and effort. I gift myself what I want or need throughout the year anyway, so why do the gifts on these days matter? On my first Mother’s Day when he didn’t even get me a card because I told him I didn’t want anything, I realized that I had lied. I tried so hard to not make it matter that it mattered a lot.
I still wasn’t surprised when he woke up this morning on Valentine’s Day and went, “Oh crap…” while the girls ran around and opened their flowers and chocolate, while he pulled out the patterned underwear and socks I got him, and while I stood there and sniffed the flowers I got for myself a couple days ago at Save-A-Lot. But it did matter. One in three women are disappointed by their significant other on at least one Valentine’s Day. I guess at least he’s consistent.
Why do I get upset even though he’s an attentive, cooperative, compromising, caring husband? It’s one day a year (maybe a few more with the other holidays he ignores or misses, but who’s counting?) Obviously I am, but why do these one day a year holidays mean so much? I’m tearing up as I’m writing this, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m sad or angry or what. Sad that my relationship has lost its romance (if it ever really had any that wasn’t forced by me)? Angry that he was so thoughtless and didn’t plan ahead at all? But I know him, so the anger and sadness are just wasted time and energy. I’ve read the Five Love Languages book and know everyone expresses and needs to receive love in different ways. He’s never been overly romantic or able to plan ahead, so I don’t know why, after twelve years, I still get upset on these silly, commercialized holidays that shouldn’t mean so much. But I do. So if someone has an answer or solution on how to fix my reaction to our underwhelming holidays, please comment below!
I shouldn’t rant, because love isn’t about just giving and getting gifts. I know I’ll get home from work and he’ll have the kids home and dinner ready. I know he’ll support me no matter what mistakes I make. I know he’ll be by my side no matter what obstacles life throws at us. I know that even on our worst days, I have it better than many people on their best days. Happy Valentine’s day. Don’t forget to spread the love!
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As someone who studied literature through college and Graduate school, I understand that most romance novels may not be masterfully written and constructed works of art. They may not live eternally on the shelves of historians and scholars. Their deeper meaning may not be studied, nor their role in society evaluated. However, the role they play in my life and the lives of others proves that there is a variety of needs for them. A genre that was once written about women by women for women has expanded into a culture of subtopics and niches that can appeal to nearly anyone.
When my brain needs to slow down, but my heart needs a burst of speed, I turn to a romance novel. It’s not a type of reading that challenges my thoughts or forces me to connect the words to construct meaning. It’s a type of reading that relaxes my mind as it connects the characters and story to my own life. Reading romance helps me escape from the cycle that is work, clean, kids, repeat. Getting lost in a romantic story helps me avoid self-destructive risky behaviors because I get that feeling of excitement and mystery by living vicariously through the characters. I am not alone in this feeling, either. In 2019, 29 million other people admitted to reading romances regularly. (https://www.thebalancecareers.com/romance-novels-about-the-romance-fiction-genre-2799896)
According to A Brief History of the Romance Novel by Amanda Pagan, “Typically, romance novels reflect the desires of their audience.” (https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/02/15/brief-history-romance-novel-recommendations)
As more sub-genres came to be throughout the decades – historical romance, Gothic romance, exotic romance, workplace romance, paranormal romance, LGBTQ romance, BDSM romance – the genre filled more and more people’s needs.
The themes of romance expanded with the growth and development of society, specifically the roles of women. Currently relevant themes and topics include resistance against the expected role of women, explicit consent within the novel to achieve equality among characters, diversity among voices and perspectives, and overcoming or accepting personal flaws. Romance has always been impacted by our social and political environment. (https://www.dispatch.com/entertainmentlife/20180210/romance-novels-adapt-to-reflect-changes-in-society-politics)
My favorites for meeting my various needs? At around the age of fifteen, Johanna Lindsey was my first love affair with romance novels. Sure, I read whatever my mom passed down to me, but her far-away, historical fantasies with strong, nearly-cliche characters inspired me to seek romance and adventure from a young age. I would stay up late into the night, with the flashlight on under my blanket, finishing “just one more chapter.” Until I usually finished the whole book. You can’t have romance without a happy ending. Johanna Lindsey’s books will always hold a special place for me, and I nostalgically read them every now and then now. (With her passing this year, be on the lookout for a tribute article or review from me in her honor.)
As I’ve grown older, and experienced more of life, however, I’ve come to understand that cynicism can ruin the imagination.
I actually took a break from reading fiction of almost every sort while I taught for ten years. Finally having time to look back on it, I don’t know why I didn’t let my love of it guide my choice of hobbies and career more. Turning to writing and blogging at this point has allowed me to open up to new authors, as well as more seasoned ones that I had not investigated in years. It has also given me personal confidence and peace I haven’t attained in years.
Nora Roberts is another author who has been a consistent favorite throughout my years as a romance reader. Her realistic characters thrust into extraordinary circumstances always force me to care and feel. Just the sheer amount of novels she’s written floors me – over 200 books, according to Wikipedia! The variety of styles, from magical to mystery to dramatic romance, as well as her JD Robb persona, and other pseudonyms make me respect her abilities as a storyteller. The woman gives me a role model as a writer. And she continues to produce books with amazing characters and compelling story-lines.
There are also thousands of new authors out both in print and ebook. In fact, ebook sales are outpacing mass-market paperbacks by about 7%. (https://www.thebalancecareers.com/romance-novels-about-the-romance-fiction-genre-2799896).
Male-oriented romance novels are becoming more and more popular. I recently read The Driven Series, by K. Bromberg, on my Kindle about a race-car driver and charity worker that included his point of view and loved it. There’s even a reading guide, Raced, telling important parts of the story from his perspective! Look for a reviews of Driven, Fueled, Crashed, Raced, and Aced to come!
The genre of romance and the importance of it within our culture and society are far-reaching and deserve to be awarded for the positivism and hope it spreads as a genre.
