Dating’s Dauntless Definition

Last night I witnessed the standard definition of dating. While I was training to be a server at a local brewery, a man walks in, dressed in a very polished style. Instead of sitting down, he tells us he’s meeting someone and will wait by the door. A few minutes later, a woman parades in, dressed and done up in a sophisticated, classy way. They exchange names as if they’ve never actually met, and give each other a dramatic welcome hug. We huddle in the kitchen and decide this must be a first date, or a reunion of some sort.

We realize we’re right when they sit at a table and drink and talk for over two hours. They don’t order food. They hardly touch their drinks. They are totally engrossed in each other. Animated and engaged with one another. Blinders on to anyone else who walks in. She uses her hands to express herself, and he is subdued, but focused on her.

Their care for the impression they make on their companion, and their interaction are what impress me the most. I consider jeans dressy enough for date night, and my husband and I usually spend the majority of the time talking about the kids or on our phones. Not exactly romantic and engaging.

But was the history of dating always romantic and engaging? Nope. Before the start of the twenthieth century, dating was far more formal and considered courtship. It was more about social status and a benenficial arrangement than emotion and love. Courtship was always supervised and the goal was marriage.

Eventually restrictions loosened and, although boys still traditionally had to ask for permission from fathers, it became normal for couples to just go out and have fun together and not worry about the future. Following social trends, dating became more about love and less about the benefits. The idea of going steady with someone for a long period of time, getting engaged, then getting married was still the American Dream for most people, but it didn’t have to be for everyone anymore.

Today, the goal of dating may vary depending upon the individuals involved. Marriage can still be a goal, although the timeline may be far longer or shorter than that of the 1900s. Another goal could just be to have fun with someone. Companionship. To meet someone new. Sexual gratification. All of these could be reasons for courtship and dating in today’s society.

Dating today is what you make of it. The sky is literally the limits. I mean that you can take a girl skydiving. Or wait for her to ask you to go on a picnic. Relaxing at a movie is always a great fall-back, and if you’re financially strapped, check out Pinterest for thousands of great cheap date ideas. You have the freedom to make dating what it needs to be for you and your partner.

Another evolutionary development to courtship is online dating. According to eharmony.com, 40% of Americans have used online dating at some point. This impersonal means of communicating in order to find a personal connection doesn’t make much sense to me, but it seems to work for at least a few others. Despite the fact that 53% of people lied on some aspect of their online profile, nearly 20% still found a long-term, committed relationship. That doesn’t include the success rate for people who were just looking to hook up or meet friends. So even with the development of online dating, dating is still what you decide to make of it.

So what are some strategies for dating in today’s world? Culturalweekly.com recommends being open to new experiences. You have to meet somebody new anyway, might as well do it in an uncomfortable setting that will help you grow as a person. They also urge people to not shy away from online dating, as it widens the opportunities and choices immensely. A common sense tip is boosting your own confidence before you try dating. Go hit up the gym. Get your nails and hair done and strut your stuff. And remember, the foundation of any relationship is trust so be honest right away about your intentions and goals for the relationship. If you’re looking for someone to walk you up the aisle eventually, let your date know. If you’re looking for a roll in the sheets and then the walk of shame, make sure he’s or she is up for that.

And remember, those of you who are married: you can always date your spouse to help keep the love alive. For that is what this life is about. Spreading love and giving kindness. Having hope and making connections. As philosopher Matashona Dhliwayo advises, “If your heart has been broken nine times, muster the courage to love again for the tenth.” For love is what makes the world go around, and how do we find love? By successfuly dating and courting one another. Good luck on your adventures in love!