It feels sometimes like there's no relief
No way to grow, but no way to leave.
The duties tend to drag me down,
Until all I want to feel is the ground.
Never knowing what to put first.
Trying to guess what will hurt worst.
Disappointing myself?
Or letting down everyone else?
I don't know how to make it better.
I'm not sure how to make it matter.
We can't seem to shake this negative vibe.
I'll just stay thankful we are all alive.
If I've ever seemed stand off-ish, Or just like I'm lost in space, It's because I feel so freaking awkward - Shy, quiet, unsure of my place. I don't want to interrupt - Don't want to be a burden. Never know what to talk about, Or even quite what world I'm in. Unsure how to make or be a real friend, When I feel like I'm always hiding. Biting my tongue, trying to fit in. There's a war inside me fighting. Real me versus who you see. Fun, smiley, bubbly, impetuous. Not this stick in the mud, Scared and so serious. Enjoy life, love a joke, and can laugh at myself. More adventurous than most folk, But too short to put things on the top shelf! While I know I'm still here, deep inside, Trauma and survival are my ways of life. I want to come out, not continue to hide, But need to beat my own internal strife.
I hold in my hand,
The beginning and the end.
It starts like a new morn,
Shining down on the earth.
It begins to take shape,
Like a babe before birth.
It grows and expands
Until it fills up my heart
I hold in my hand,
The laughter and the tears.
The difference between happiness,
Or sad, lonely years.
The gift from another soul,
In this lifetime,
The meaning of all.
The rhythm and the rhyme.
I hold in my hand,
The love of another.
A gift from a friend,
Or family or lover.
What I do with this gift
Is completely up to me.
I’ll treasure it forever.
For all eternity.
-Valerie Jean
Sitting outside in the dark.
Just sitting and thinking.
Thinking about you and me,
And me and you.
Reliving past memories and dreaming of you.
Barely believing how lucky I am.
So lucky that I found you,
And you found me.
Wishing you were here.
Here in the dark, sitting.
Sitting and thinking and dreaming.
Just me and you.
-Valerie Jean
