Wants, Needs, and Desires

I’ve always known just who I was

And who I wanted to be

I’ve always known what I wanted to do

And knew it wouldn’t be free.

Hours of my life, boatloads of effort

Left me with nothing but shame

Caring and trying and loving them all

To them it as nothing but a game.

So now I don’t know where or what

I don’t know how or why

I have no purpose or goal right now

Other than to survive.

To make money to pay bills and have food

To make money to live how we like

Put on that fake smile and move

So that in marriage there is no strife.

What mold do I fit now?

Am I doing what I want?

Is it going to be enough?

Or is it just a side jaunt?

I don’t know what I desire.

I don’t know where to go.

I feel stuck between ice and fire.

So stressed I’m about to blow.

No matter how long I think

No matter what choice I make

I’ll disappoint someone with what I do

And end up acting fake.

How do I find the real me?

The one who loved life and work?

The one who smiled all day?

And didn’t act like a jerk.

I’m smart and strong and suave.

I want what’s best for all.

I carry my age and trauma well

But if I trip, I might fall.