Entry #5 – November 18, 2020
I’m not sure how six months went by without me writing, but life almost returned back to normal with a mask. Then boom! Here we are again with restrictions on gathering and distancing and masks and everything in general.
School is once again virtual after trying to start, taking a virtual break, then returning with a hybrid model. Penny got a relatively low grade in reading, which means we’ll be reading more while she’s home. Otherwise she’s keeping up well. She spends too much time on technology, specifically YouTubers. At one point she wanted to start a YouTube channel, but that idea quickly fizzled after she realized how much work it is to shoot, edit, and create a quality video.
Work is up and down, as there is little growth at the brewery and we’re having to invest extra money in ways we never thought we’d have to, like building greenhouses and grain silos. Lots of job dissatisfaction among the ranks right now because of some promotions and raises given. I admit I felt jealous when someone who had just started there got promoted before I did. But it is what it is and life goes on. Also I applied for a management position elsewhere to boost my confidence again.
I’m having a difficult time motivating myself to clean the house and organize anything. I’m kind of ready just to throw everything away and start over again. Can’t afford to do that though.
I need to do several things to make this next quarantine sentence more bearable:
- Ad lib – be flexible in the moment.
- Breathe.
- Color and create.
- Dance.
- Exercise.
- Feed myself healthy food.
- Get outside.
- Have fun with things!.
- Inspire others to be the best they can.
- Joke around.
- Kill em with kindness.
- Love my family.
- Make the most of each moment.
- Nap with my children.
- Open my eyes to the positives around me.
- Purge my house and mind of junk.
- Quiet the space in our house.
- Rest.
- Smile and sing.
- Take time to do what makes me happy.
- Use routines and schedules.
- Value what is important – health, family, and friends.
- Write consistently.
- Exist beautifully.
- Yin and yang.
- Zen
Entry #4 – May 1, 2020
How did the month of April go by so quickly?!? Easter was uneventful. What would have been a crazy month of running around to soccer and softball practices and tournaments turned into day after day at home working on sports skills and school stuff. Playing on the new addition to our playground. Taking the dogs for walks.
For some reason our schedule at home went to hell. Penny is fighting school and just about everything we tell her. School passed back her supplies yesterday through a drive-thru process. Sad to be sure. It breaks my heart that Evelyn’s first year of preschool was just as disrupted as the first few years of her life. I have obviously been having a difficult time focusing on the positives lately.
My children seem ungrateful for everything. My husband is impossible to please. My parents have advice about everything. Everyone’s priorities are different. No one has any discipline or care for anyone else in the house. I yell a lot. I cuss a lot. I try to breathe deeply. I smoke but don’t get high anymore. I can’t seem to get excited about things anymore.
So, here’s some gratitude for the day to help adjust my attitude.
My baby is alive and growing. She may be tiny and I may constantly worry that there will be side effects we’re missing, but she’s a joy in my day. Sure she yells and screams and cries, but usually because some need isn’t being met.
Penelope is usually so helpful with her sister. I have always been grateful for that, even though it should be an expectation for an older sister. Penny is also so creative. It drives us nuts as she never cleans up the mess her creativity causes, but I’m always so proud of her for her neat ideas.
Ian works so hard and cares about us all so much. He wants to give us the best life he can. But if it’s not his way, it’s not the best (which can be frustrating). I need to remember his intentions and try to be grateful for those. He’ s making his way through this crazy life without a map just like I am.
I need to be more patient with the whole family in general. I’m not perfect, and I need to be better at some things. I feel like there are a number of things all of us are doing that are leading to our fights. I’m not sure how to work them out, but I’m sure we’ll survive.
Entry #3 – March 29, 2020
I can’t believe it’s the end of technical Spring Break for our school districts in the area. We have been working hard to keep the girls occupied and positive. We picked up an amazing addition to the swingset that helps the girls have their space while playing. Lifesaver there. I downloaded Kids Messenger for Penny. Makes me nervous, so we watch over her shoulder while she chats with people. It’s good for her to socially interact with kids, however.
Ian and I are doing better communicating. We are starting to somewhat get a schedule figured out. Evelyn asked to go shopping today and I had to tell her she couldn’t. We explain that she’s at risk to get sick if someone at the store has it and she amazingly seems to understand. Her maturity is amazing, as is Penny’s right now. Sure, they both have their moments, but they’re usually cute as can be together.
Our pets are loving this at-home quarantine. Daily walks or play times. The house is almost prepped to let dogs in again. We have the time to just sit and pet the cats. Turtle and fish tanks are getting cleaned. This little breather was much needed.
I’ve been working at the restaurant, which has been somewhat stressful just because it’s exposure to the Coronavirus. And not much money. (At least Ian is bringing in a steady paycheck no matter what.) The brewery will be fun once we get rebranded and back to whatever the new normal will be. I like the challenging and social aspect of waittressing; the fact that there’s rarely any downtime. I wonder how the business will change after all of this passes.
We had tornados and floods recently in our area. And the weather can’t decide what season it wants to be. Mother Nature is trying to tell us something. Hopefully people and places will listen. A lot of this has forced people to go back to small town ways. Country-style living. With more focus on quality and conservation than profit and competition.
Entry #2 – march 24, 2020
Evelyn’s 4th birthday
So today was a pretty amazing day. Evelyn turned four and her and Penny were so sweet together. We started off with a couple smaller gifts, one of which Evelyn instantly dismissed. The other she wanted to open and do right away.
We had a couple neighbors stop by and give her presents and cards. A local foundation in memorial of a little boy who lost his fight with cancer gave her a birthday box full of neat crafts and toys, so we spent a long time playing with those.
Then she asked for her next present, which was a Lego set. We got that set up and her and Penny played for awhile with those. Then we had more craft time. We finished our door decoration, which was flowers and sunshine, then headed outside.
When we opened the door, Evelyn’s next present was waiting on the front porch: her new bunk bed! She couldn’t wait to get it put together and sleep on the top bunk. We told her we needed to play outside a bit first, then chalked the driveway again with positive messages while she swung on her swing.
The day before, I had seen a post on Facebook about having the Fire Department come by for kids who had birthdays during the Quarantine. It wasn’t our community, but I loved the idea and messaged the local department. They said they’d get back to me, but I didn’t hear back from anyone and was stressing about it. So finally today, I called and got Evelyn put on the list.
She was speechless when the firetruck came down the road. Especially since we’d just heard the sirens a little bit earlier going out on an actual call. They tooted the sirens, sang her a song, did a dance, had Cappy the Firesafety dog give her a little present, and took off with lights flashing. She loved it and wouldn’t take off the badge they gave her. She raced around the yard pretending to be a firefighter.
Penny had made a thank you sign for the firefighters and loved seeing them there too. She was wonderful while Ian and I put the bunk beds together. Let’s be real. He put them together. I handed him pieces. Evelyn kept wanting to help and Penny kept trying to distract her. They built an “island” out of rugs and blankets to get away from the floor, or “lava,” and save their animals. All of the living room seating was taken up by stuffed animals. It was adorable.
We got the bunkbeds done just in time for bed. It took a little bit to get both girls wound down and settled in. Penny wanted the bottom bunk, which was perfect because Evelyn was all about the top bunk. Once they were finally in place, Evleyn said she had to go potty like three times in a row, just so she could climb down the ladder. I read them some books, then finally had to leave, telling them to stop talking. They were so sweet. I can’t believe what grown-up, wonderful girls I have. Definitely some positives to this quarantine.
One down-side is Ian and I are struggling to reconnect. I have no motivation to right now. I am angry, frustrated, and wondering if I shouldn’t set up a therapy appointment soon. He’s critical and angry one minute, then apologetic and sweet the next. I can’t keep up sometimes. I’m also moody and pms-y right now. We’ll get through it or we’ll get out of it.
Entry #1 – March 22, 2020
So we’ve been on stay-at-home quarantine technically since 5pm last night. We’ve been socially distant for almost a week. Thank goodness we got Evelyn’s birthday party in last weekend. It’s scary and amazing how much the world has changed in that time. 🌍
We’ve set up a schedule for the girls, but are being lenient with it. We have a weekday and weekend schedule. We don’t want them to be scared, but we want them to realize change is coming. 👀
Evelyn has consistently asked to go shopping, as grocery shopping is a highlight of her week. But she can’t. With her past medical history it’s not worth the risk. Penny wants to have playdates since they don’t have school, but we can’t because it’s not worth the risk. 🙁
So we’ve spent the last week coming up with ways to keep the girls busy yet happy. We’ve walked the dogs and pulled Evelyn in the wagon. She ran and skipped nearly all the way yesterday! Yelling and singing and sprinting along at times. She’s hilarious and keeps us all smiling usually. ❤😘😂
Penny has been walking and playing with the puppy Xena, who is cute but super rambunctious. She’s a beautiful brown lab something else mix with mounds of energy and agility. She keeps jumping the fence and is driving Ian nuts! 🐶🐾🐕
We’ve done art projects and door decorations and dance parties on a regular basis. We need to finish painting our kindness rocks and hide them around the neighborhood. We did a shamrock hunt around town after decorating some of our own shamrocks. ☘🍀☘🍀
We are decorating our windows with hearts for people to drive around and see. Our driveway is a collage of inspirational messages and pictures that the kids and I created. Ian made an obstacle course out of chalk circles around the sidewalk and driveway that kept both Evelyn and Penny entertained for at least fifteen minutes! 🤣
Our theme for our local front porch decorating contest is “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow,” by Audrey Hepburn. We’re going to plant flower seeds indoors here soon. We have a sun, a rainbow, and some clouds taped to our glass front door. We’re going to be adding flowers, both tissue paper and construction paper, and other various plants to it (Penny made a carrot that she’s super proud of!). 🌻🌼🌷🥀🌹🌸💐🌺
On the down side, keeping Penny from being on technology is like a 24/7 job. The second we turn our back, she’s trying to get on YouTube and watch immature, overly dramatic teenagers. It’s driving us nuts. 😒😤😡🤬
Communicating as a family also has its ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like all that comes out of Ian’s mouth is negative criticism or sarcastic comments. There hasn’t been a lot of positive reinforcement or compliments about anything. There’s a lot of stuff I choose just to not do because I don’t want to be criticized or told I’m doing it wrong. Then he thinks I’m lazy, but if I try to do it my way it’s not good enough. 🤷♀️
Hopefully we can figure out a routine and some boundaries that we can both agree on. I’m almost ready to try some online family counseling, since we can’t go get physical counseling right now. I know that the amount of television we watch bothers me. I know that the amount of time I spend on social media and writing bothers him. I don’t want to be a burden or a nuisance, but that seems like most of the time what we are to him. Wish us luck for the future! 🤞👍😁
Inspiring the Works of Valerie Jean 